As a reviewer, I’ve played countless games and I have never shied away from trying something new. But for the first time, I’ve reviewed a game that genuinely made me worry about what my fiancée would say if she walked in on me playing it. Thanks to Sassy Chap Games and Team17’s latest game, Date Everything!, which does exactly what it says on the tin. Date Everything! blends visual novel, sandbox game, and dating simulator to create something truly different.
Read More: Master Detective Archives: Rain Code (Xbox) review – Fresh Air
This is the first game by Sassy Chap Games, a studio which, interestingly, was founded by a number of voice actors. This becomes abundantly clear once you experience the talent on display in the game, particularly in the calibre of the voice acting.
Date with Destiny
The tale begins simply enough. You’re a work-from-home customer service agent who’s made redundant when AI takes over your role (a sting that cuts a little too close to home). As you process this, you’re contacted by a mysterious stranger who sends you a random gift, Magical glasses called ‘Dateviators’. These high-tech specs allow you to perceive objects in your house as actual people.
This is where things get a bit weird. You can date these “objects”. I’m talking about your bed, your games console, your laundry basket, your mirror. Yes, there are over 100 dateable item-people in your house, and the imagination on show is noteworthy. While there’s a core narrative involving a nefarious corporation, that thread soon fades as you become immersed in the day-to-day lives of your homeware companions.
Limited Magic
Each dateable object reveals its own story and can become your lover, friend, or enemy depending on your interactions. The main limitation is that your glasses only have five charges. This allows you to bring five objects to life, and you can only speak to each one once per day.
You have full freedom to explore your two-up, two-down house, searching for new objects to interact with and build relationships. Your choices—whether becoming a lover, friend, or enemy—earn you S.P.E.C.S points that level up stats like charm, empathy, and sass. These, in turn, unlock new dialogue options.
Read More: Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney Trilogy review – Perfection! Almost.
Some outcomes require several days of engagement to succeed, while others depend on speaking to certain objects at specific times of day.
Content Awareness
There’s also a Content Aware setting, which flags conversations containing potentially sensitive material such as horror, mental health, abusive behaviour, or just being very, very horny (a sentence I never thought I’d write).
It’s also worth noting that you never see yourself in-game. Aside from selecting your gender at the beginning, your identity isn’t referenced again. The game lets you explore relationships with all sexualities. Using the Content Aware setting on a case-by-case basis will bypass the familiar lover/friend/enemy selection while still allowing the story to unfold, without losing your progress.
Read More: Ghost Trick: Phantom Detective review – Back from the Dead with Love
Most of the main characters are easy to find, but thorough exploration is needed to discover them all. You’ll also want to use the Roomers app on your phone—a kind of hint system where other objects guide you towards potential new characters. Bobby Pinn, for instance, is literally a bobby pin and incredibly easy to miss.
Visually, Date Everything! combines 3D navigation of your home with a traditional visual novel style during conversations, featuring over 13,000 pieces of hand-drawn art. The character designs are dazzling, with plenty of details drawn from their object origins. And, there are heaps of amusing or deferential Easter eggs.
Superb Sound
Sound design is top-tier. The soundtrack is relaxed but dynamically shifts depending on whom you’re talking to. Each character has their own unique theme. And then there’s the voice acting, an absolute roll call of industry legends, including (deep breath)…
Abby Trott, Adam Croasdell, Adam McArthur, Aimee Carrero, Alejandro Saab, Aleks Le, Ali Hillis, Allegra Clark, Amanda Hufford, Anjali Bhimani, Anne Yatco, Ashley Johnson, Ashly Burch, Ben Balmaceda, Ben Diskin, Ben Starr, Bill Butts, Brennan Lee Mulligan, Brianna Knickerbocker, Bryce Papenbrook, Carolina Ravassa, Charlie Wes, Cherami Leigh, Christian Lanz, Christian Navarro, Colleen Clinkenbeard, Courtenay Taylor, Cristina Vee, Daisuke Tsuji, Damien Haas, Dana Snyder, Dante Basco, David Sobolov, Davied Morales, Debra Wilson, Dom Dinh, Emily Axford, Eric Bauza, Erica Lindbeck, Erica Luttrell, Erica Mendez, Erika Harlacher, Erika Ishii, Felicia Day, Fred Tatasciore, Gabe Kunda, Grey DeLisle, Isaac Robinson-Smith, J Michael Tatum, Jacquis Neal, Jamieson Price, JB Blanc, Jenelle Randall, John Patneaude.
(Deeper breath)… Johnny Yong Bosch, Jonah Scott, Josh Dean, Joy Ofodu, JP Karliak, Judy Alice Lee, Julia McIlvaine, Kari Wahlgren, Keythe Farley, Kiera Brown, LaNisa Frederick, Laura Bailey, Laura Post, Liam O’Brien, Mara Junot, Marcus Brown, Marcy Edwards, Marisha Ray, Mary Elizabeth McGlynn, Matthew Mercer, Max Mittelman, Mela Lee, Mica Burton, Michael Lorz, Moses Goods, Nancy Linari, Neil Newbon, Nick Thurston, Nick Wolfhard, Oz Ryan, Pej Vahdat, Ray Chase, Regan Linton, Robbie Daymond, Roger Craig Smith, Sarah Natochenny, Shelby Young, Sonny Onorati, Stephanie Sheh, Steve Blum, Steven Booth, SungWon Cho, Suzie Yeung, Tameka Vahatau, Travis Willingham, Troy Baker, Zehra Fazal, and Zeno Robinson.
Character in Spades
Date Everything! is a tour de force of writing and voice acting. Yes, there are a few uncomfortable moment. Mostly to do with my own personal hang-ups. I mean, how would your partner react if they walked in to find you wooing a character made out of sex toys? Or a bed that quite literally wants to “sleep” with you?
It’s definitely not going to be for everyone. Some will inevitably throw around words like “woke”, but honestly—get over it, buttercup. Underneath the absurdity is an engaging, compelling experience where you can play therapist to a toilet, or flirt outrageously with your PS5. And honestly, who are we to judge?
- Dragon Quest VII Reimagined review – Tasteful Renewal
- Resident Evil Requiem review – Reframing Evil
- Snakebyte Gamepad RGB S2 review – Budget Flash
Find TechStomper’s games reviews on OpenCritic.com